Ides of May

This blog will mark the second appearance of Twitch, along with theme music. ((The song reminds me of him as it always on the Project, a favorite radio station of ours.)) Sidenote, if you've never listened to Emo Night on the Project, you're missing out. It's a gem.

In honor of his birthday, today I bring to you the (almost) tragically hilarious tales of me trying to buy him presents. It's slightly reminiscent of all the times I ask questions while we watch movies .... five seconds before the movie answers it. It's a gift.

We'll start with Valentine's day. Over Christmas, we went to a friend of mine's holiday festivities where we played board games.

((Let me tell you h'wut: J loves board games. So in his head or perhaps on his Amazon wish list, he keeps a list of all the board games he wants/ needs. I won my way into his heart very quickly when we first started dating by giving him the Oregon Trail. ))

So at this Christmas party, we played Once Upon a Time; a super fun storytelling board game that quickly shot to the top of his list. So I decide to get it for him. Due to a lot of funny happenstance/ me thinking I was getting a good deal, I accidentally bought him an expansion instead of the whole game on my first attempt. But then I figured it out and ended up getting another extra expansion along with the game. It was great.

Fast forward to the week before Valentine's day. Board games galore on sale on Amazon!! Good...? Bad. Very Bad. Because what if he buys it? So I'm sitting next to him on the couch being as subtle as humanly possible for me (quite a feat honestly), asking probing questions like, "what are you looking at? What are you getting? Oh, that sounds fun." Secretly hoping and praying that they don't add any new selection because Once Upon a Time is currently not offered on their list.

Thankfully, they don't and the gift is a success. Huzzah!!

With a new year brings a new Star Wars, which J and I see with a friend, who is very excited about a limited showing for the anniversary of Princess Mononoke, a Studio Ghibli film I have not seen. We all discuss possibly going to see it but alas it is already sold out. To which J says that he would like to possibly own Studio Ghibli films and expressed hope that Amazon prime would get with it.

{You can possibly see a theme in the way I decide on presents, he says something, then I lie in wait.} So I get online and I find an AMAZING deal on ten Studio Ghibli movies. "Best of." Or so I have come to understand, as I have not seen any of them. But about a month and a half ago Target has a sale on Studio Ghibli movies and he texts me and asks if I think he should buy them. 

He goes on to say that he doesn't have a DVD player, which isn't exactly true. I obviously don't want to sound suspiciously invested but I'm like, oh yeah, maybe just wait till they go on amazon prime? He is luckily very easy to persuade away from buying things but it nearly threw me over the edge. 

So fast forward to his birthday dinner. We had it early because we've been having a couple busy weeks and I'm taking classes three days a week. I decide to pick Alfios, which, if you haven't been, has literally the best ravioli in the world. No hyperbole. 

I put all the ten DVDs into a multipack DVD case because it seemed the best way to store it, and as a side benefit, once I wrapped it he had no idea what it could possibly be since, I quote, "it's too big to be a DVD and not heavy enough to be a VHS... not that that was really a contender, but I shook it and still couldn't figure it out."

The gift went over super well. He loved it. And we now are making our way through all of them. First was My Neighbor Totoro and then we did Spirited Away. I liked them both. 

And so I conclude my tale with a photo series of J laughing so hard at something I said/ I kept taking pictures that he accidentally blew out his birthday candle before he had a chance to make a wish, and we were in stitches over the whole event. 

{{The end!}}

:)

A Year in Review

So here we are. The end of 2016, and I just noticed that I have written one blog all year.

And I was creeping on The Acquired Sass's blog and was inspire by her year in review as a way to tell all y'all, I'm sorry I done flubbed up. Funny stories await.

January

This was a good month. A couple friends and I drove to Snowshoe, WV to tear it up. Seriously the longest trails I've ever done, plus we hit up the terrain park. After many tries, I was and am still proud to say that I landed every jump on my second to last run through it. Airborne with speed.

I was, for once, wearing a helmet.

February

The most notable event of the month was driving to Louisville to see Deadpool and eat sushi with Brett... and then got caught in a freakish snowstorm and spent six hours making my way back to Cincinnati.
Luckily I had stopped at Subway for dinner before the traffic on the highway came to a complete stop. #crisisaverted #hangerisreal

March

Not much excitement for except the purchase of my beautiful orchid Clarice. (Flash forward to now, she struggles.) Half of my joy was just walking into my office and saying, Hello, Clarice.

Also framed a picture of Elektra and put it up like the proud parent I am,,, Even though she is going thru an angsty period.

Anyone else have a dog with an attitude?

April

April marked the end of the stories of my CCD children. I will have to go back through my facebook and recap one day. They were priceless. But they also solidified the fact teaching is not for me. 

Later in the month, I made the trip up to NYC with my two Ursuline friends, Ellen and Natalie, to see Emily's play. But on the way I stopped in to see Julie and the girls, and also planned a meet up with Number One.

 May

May was my trip to Japan and China. We lost someone our first day and we still don't know where he went. But through that scare, I ended up giving my phone number to two girls (CONTACT IF LOST) and we became fast friends. I ate and saw all the things.

June

Upon my arrival, back in the good ol' US of A. I missed my connecting flight in Seattle, but luckily 1/3 of Team Badass lives in Seattle and Number One came to my rescue.

July

Over the top celebrations and waffles were had around the Fourth of July. I also met Twitch the day before and went on our first date. Red white and blue themed, of course, you ungrateful colonials.

August

The pups continue to have sass. Heidi received her Doctorate. Mom, Megs and I attended our last Generations breakfast.... at least for a while.

September

Nico (featured here in Sister Date Night) went back to Argentina after staying with us for about three months. Twitch and I travel to see Brett's new house in Louisville-- of which I can't locate those pictures, so enjoy a picture instead of him riding a baby Lochness Monster.

October

My birthday month! I threw my customary Halloween Pinterest Fail themed party and it was a wonderful success. Twitch and I went as contestants from Legend of the Hidden Temple. Shanna and Derek flew in from Denver and many trips to the RenFair were enjoyed.

November

Steve and I traveled to San Diego for a 1031 Conference. We also went to the SD Zoo which was phenomenal and I got to catch up with Hannah and Nick and see their new west coast home. :)

I also helped my sister drive 553 miles with 3 children under three to spend the three weeks leading up to Thanksgiving with us.

December

Holiday parties about and travel plans! Twitch and I fly to Riverside, CA in three weeks for a wedding and start our marathon wedding attendance. I had no weddings in 2016 and going into 2017, we have at least five right now... before August. 

Wishing you all happy holidays and a great new year.

Just a few gems...

So it's been a busy couple months, lots of exciting things: I went skiing in West Virginia (hella successful- more to come), I have started going back to school for my accounting certificate, the CCD children I teach went crazy this past week, and my brother and I have fallen into the deep black hole of online dating (again), which leads to lots of fun phone conversations and advice. [Mostly this started when I gave him Aziz Ansari's book, "Modern Romance" for Christmas- it's good.]

It's also surprising more fun to online date when it leads to family fun time with your brother gossiping about questionable moral strangers, sometimes with him screaming into the phone, "No! I don't like him! The more I learn the more I dislike! Cut him loose!"

I had a real chuckle about two weeks into the game when my brother called to demand why I didn't tell him how online dating was the worst thing in the world. "I did!" I replied and then we laughed over how he paid money and he felt compelled to stick to his guns.

Being 500 miles away from home and stationed in the middle of nowhere has had it's detriments. I have had a smidgen more luck in the dates department as I have actually gone on dates, but not by much. Also I'm wise to their antics and am becoming less and less tolerant. When talking to a boy, who by the way I hadn't even met in person yet, about buying my own boxing gloves because the ones I had used at the gym smelled worst than death, he told me that I needed to go out and buy my own because he didn't want to holding hands with athletically stinky hands.

I told him he was bold to assume I even wanted to hold his hand.

Needless to say we had some differences of opinion and it didn't work out.

But in talking to my brother, I realized, although I did already know this, that he lacks the more humorous side of online dating: The People who fall "Outside the Filter."
Here are some from the last month in no particular order, enjoy:

"The CandyMan," the Hyperbolist. "How is the most beautiful woman in the world doing today?"

The boy 6 years younger than me who has the audacity to call me "baby girl." Also check out that username, MaximumPayne. My only consolation is that it's his last name is this is all a big joke.

The only who sends the same message week after week. There were more.

The spontaneous one! "Let's do something today!" Too bad I didn't get it until days later...

The one who is out to fulfill my financial needs and all my dreams!! Lol, no thank you.

This one is my favorite. The one going for the shock value. I'mma type this out for you in case you can't read this:

"I would swim through 300 miles of shark infested waters, smothered in BBQ sauce with two 45 lb dumbbells tied to my testicles for the chance to share a nice candlelit dinner with you over Skype on a dial up connection."

It's the dial up connection part that kills me every time. That shit was the worst.

And last, but not least, this gem: "I have a live-in, long term girlfriend and I have no intention of ending that relationship nor do I intend for her to discover my “extra curricular” activities. So why am I here and what am I seeking? In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it is the excitement of of a new partner, maybe it is the thrill of sneaking around. Maybe it is the opportunity to try new things or to live out my fantasy (or yours). Whatever the reason, I am putting myself out there and trying something new."

Alright guys, I'm out, enjoy the rest of your week.

Winds in the East

Winds in east, mist coming in, 

like something is brewing, about to begin.

Can't put me finger on what lies in store

but I feel what's to happen, all happened before.

The last month has been an absolute whirlwind. Fun, stressful, and, as always, a little on the weird side. Let me tell you about it.

The Domestic Whirlwind

The adventure began after Tax Day with a trip to Bethlehem, PA to be a stand in for my niece/namesake's baptism, followed by a hop skip and a jump back to New York City to see my best friend's capstone play performed. Shopping occurred and sexy dresses were purchased. 

Best friends for two decades. Still going strong.

And then we went back to PA again for some family time. Laura- the newer, fresher niece- is usually very concerned. While Grace is called "Cuter than the Gerber Baby," we like to call Laura "the Concerned Citizen of the World," but in a rare instance (and my photographic genius- if I may), I got Laura to smile and Blue Steel it for the camera:

I like to title this photo "From Grumps to Giggles"

Before I could even get my affairs in order, I was off again to Florida with my mother, "the Giig," as she presented her research at the oncology conference. We visited Universal (mostly Harry Potter World) together and, while she was off attending lectures and being a smarty pants, I visited the Magic Kingdom.

 It was a lot of fun seeing all the characters/sites, taking pictures with Rapunzel and Cinderella, and (probably the most fun was) playing this interactive Sorcery Game in which you get sent around the park finding portals and defeating Disney villains. 

And excluding a surprising, and dare I say rather unprofessional experience with a persistent Uber driver, the week was another domestic travel success!

Town Hall at Magic Kingdom

Flying Eastward

The first week of May marked the trip with my little sister to Germany. It began normal enough. We got to the airport, got Euros, lunch, sat down and chatted for about 45 minutes, etc. And let it be known, I am acting as tour guide for my sister as well as keeping a suspicious, watchful eye, so I will admit to mild paranoia when I noticed a man about 25 yards away who kept looking at us.... But he was far enough away, so we carried on carrying on. At the end of our 45 min lunch, the strange man gets up, walks over to us and presents me with the oddly unproportional, slightly colored-in picture of myself. His only explanation was, "I watching you, so I made this for you" and then walked away. I really don't have any words other than it was the second really weird interaction in a matter of days and my sister loves laughing about it. So Schadenfreude. You're welcome.

I did also share the shorten version over SnapChat, to which my youngest sister informed me that the point of SnapChat Stories is not to tell **actual** stories. So go figure. Kids these days.

Anywho. Marianne and I had a delightful time travelling to the Black Forest, and climbed to the top of their tallest waterfall. Followed by climbing the tallest spire in the world the following day and ending that trend a couple days later by visiting the largest waterfall in Europe, which was super fun, but we'll both admit was a little underwhelming if you've seen Niagara Falls.

Our next adventure was Switzerland, which reads a lot like the children's book "Fortunately and Unfortunately":

Fortunately, Marianne and Katie arrive to the train station on time to begin their trip to Switzerland. Unfortunately, the German trains had gone on strike and stopped running a third of the way there. Fortunately, the DB station conductor was super helpful and got them a bus to the next nearest train station. Unfortunately, that would mean that they would miss their tour of Zurich. Fortunately, Katie had the number for Zurich and rescheduled for the next day and they headed onto Geneva which was where they were going to end up for the night anyway, so it was all for the best. Everything was beautiful; M and K had a delightful time exploring the Gold Coast and took a cable ride to the top of the mountains in Zurich. Unfortunately, the Swiss are not as exact about timetables and M and K worried they would not make it down from the mountain in time to catch their train back to Germany. Fortunately, they caught the train with moments to spare and even had time to nab a sandwich and drink for dinner. Unfortunately, two thirds of the way back the trains just stopped. Again. Fortunately, K again enlists the help of the DB conductor man. Unfortunately, he says, no, there are no connections back to Ulm, where they are staying. Fortunately, he says that the DB will send them back via taxi for no charge since the strike ruined their trip. Unfortunately, the taxi driver has a heavy Bavarian accent and K can't understand him at all and after he starts driving, the meter goes from saying this is a free fare to running. This makes M very nervous. Fortunately, K tells M that the DB conductor assured her that it was alright. Unfortunately, K started to doubt her memory after the total reach 100E, 200E, 300E... she had had about 45 heart attacks and aged a decade since this trip began and was fearing that she was losing it. Fortunately, the taxi driver helped her get her bags out, shook her hand and said, Gute Reise (meaning good trip). K and M sighed in relief and went to get their luggage from the train stations' storage. Unfortunately, they had to wait for M's boyfriend to go onto the next hotel and apparently had missed the bus to meet them because he had been watching YouTube instead. Fortunately, he did arrive and they found the hotel. Unfortunately, they had missed the check in time. Fortunately, K was able to convince the guy at the bar to help her get their key. And FORTUNATELY the bed was comfy as hell and she was officially #done.  

The rest of the trip was wildly uneventful and it was spent coloring, reading and occasionally doing yoga, which turns out was a mistake because I somehow did something to my hip and now every time I stand up from a chair after a long period of time I involuntarily let out a quiet exclamation of, "oh my hip." Like an old woman.

I've started tai chi with the self defense group and have already been working on my knee strength, so maybe I'll just sit in Pigeon for like an hour... Maybe that will help combat my body falling apart.