Thursday, March 13, 2014

Embarking on a new kind of adventure...

So for a while, I have been part of what I am going to call the Great Social Experiment.
It was suggested for many various different reasons that I enter the vast world which is called online dating.
I was skeptical, but I received a lot of the overwhelming support*, so I figured if they thought it was a good idea, it couldn't hurt to just try.
*There may have been overwhelming support due to the fact that the past two years looked a lot like this:
I could try to deny it, but I won't.

And so it began. Mostly with me filling out things and doing nothing with them. But at least I had taken the first step and I was ready for them.
And of course that's not saying I still didn't have serious doubts...

So continuing on, there's this terrifying thing required for online dating where you have to talk about yourself, preferably in a non-braggy way that makes you sound amazing. 
You know... ideally. 
However, for better or worse, pin pointing things about myself that I think others would find awesome is exceedingly difficult. Mostly because I think I was trying not to come off as an overly nerdy person obsessed with her dog. Which I am. (I did not, for example, list knitting as one of my talents, as it is a lost art. But maybe I should. I make a mean set of mittens.)
This is legitimately how I spend my evenings... Getting licked on the regular.
When I'm not judging my own weak descriptor paragraph, I do like to check out other people's. Some are REALLY good. Not many, but when I do see a good one, it's like a breath of fresh air and I am heartily impressed.
Hey, you... Looking good.
And when men say in "there" profile that if I don't like such and such not to "waist" their time, I oblige.
I am trying to be lenient when it comes to receiving messages with serious abbreviations, atrocious spelling and grammatical errors. Nevertheless, I do roll my eyes when I think of how they only need to type two more letters to make the word complete. Come on. You're on a computer. Srsly get it tgthr.

I like to think of the way I rate people as bell curve. I made a bell curve just for you, dear reader, to understand my meaning. I know usually red is bad, but I subconsciously did the colors in the rainbow pattern. So red to green is good, blue to violet 99% percent of the time gets no response. There was one time I couldn't help myself.
Sidenote: The most intriguing date I have been asked on is definitely going shooting... Intrigued, but not enough to say anything in response. Mainly because this is what went through my head:
a) we've never met, nor even conversed.
b) you don't even know if I know how to use a firearm. Spoiler, I don't. Dick Cheney all over again, people, I can see it happening.
c) I could be crazy person and you are asking me to fire a weapon.
d) you could be a crazy person.
e) I appreciated the creativity. I do actually want to learn how to shoot a gun...
But I am also a very jumpy person, so I wouldn't want to set the gun off by accident if startled. Activities that may result in involuntary manslaughter entice me not in the slightest.

Additionally, I wonder how these guys decide to pick their usernames, and if they said it out loud and were like, yes, I am satisfied with the way that will come across to someone who doesn't know me. For example, Strongwilled__, Durpy, and FootOdor. I think there should be a promotional video about how best to market yourself before proceeding... because what I am hearing is, collectively, you are strong-willed derps with foot odor. And ain't nobody got time for that.
^^Absolutely kidding, I do not say these things to people ;)
A large part of this Social Experiment is learning that just because *I* would not say something to someone, doesn't mean people won't say those kinds of things to me, taking comments with a grain of salt and knowing when to disengage. I've definitely had a couple moments of this:

And I just have to take a deep breath, step back, and let it go.
Kinda like this:

But more like this: 

It's a very interesting process. One of these days I will actually go on a date. I know everyone is waiting for it. And I will try not to sound super weird by talking about how much I want to own a lion or my dog or this fairy tale dystopian series with cyborgs that I really like or make sound effects when I feel it's called for... or quote Mean Girls. 
Although, my phone does make Star Wars sound effects and, for that, I remain unashamed.

I can totally hear my mother's voice in my head whenever I leave the house,
I try mom, I try. Ha.

To be continued? We'll see.

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