Saturday, January 26, 2013

Adventures at the Laundromat

So, a while back, my twenty-year-old brother was staying at our house for a couple weeks and with him came 6 months worth of laundry. At least. Assuming multiple wears... 
I am really unclear if he actually doesn't know how to do laundry, or what, but regardless, the washing would have taken like 10 hours at least if I tried to do it in our washer/ dryer at home… And so, to the Laundromat!

And what an adventure it was.
On this trek, I brought my computer to watch a preloaded TV show (because there was no wifi there) and my phone to text friends in the many hours I expected to be there. 
I emptied the car of everything that was machine-washable and the rest would be dropped off at the dry cleaner after. Six to eight rolly bins later, I had three triple-load washers filled. So I just sat back and watched TV until it was time to empty them. In the meantime, Savannah walked in. 

Long story short, we had never met.
I did not know Savannah, but our unfamiliar state did not last long. She was waiting to use one of my washers when she looked over at me and just started talking: "Do I know you? You look familiar. Where are you from? Where did you go to high school? And when?"  (I did not include my responses because they are not relevant.)

I started to make the trip back and forth from the washers to the dryers as I heard her talking to another woman (I'm going to assume a woman she actually knows) about how some sketchy landlord wanted her to give him money without having her sign a contract for an apartment. Her response? "I've seen Judge Judy! I know how it works!" (Oh JJ, I do appreciate the fact that it educates as well as entertains.)

I'm back.
Also my brother is in ROTC Army. Therefore, I've got a lot of army paraphernalia going through the wash. 
ANNNDD Savannah is back. 
Asking if I'm in the army. No? Well her dad was in the marines. 
"You like animals? I love animals more than I love my children. There was this one time my little Bitch (that is her dog's name) was bit by a rabid coon or something, I just gave her half an aspirin... Because there was this one time I gave her the whole aspirin and she started foaming at the mouth, so now I just give her one." 

After this rite of passage, I was deemed worthy for all the personal information. She opened *this* conversation by asking me about this song that I have never heard of-- it's her brother's favorite. He's in jail.
"Man, the food there is so bad! I got so fat that my friends could not tell me apart from four pregnant women in this picture we took together." Then she talks about her stint in jail.
Her husband is also in jail, but he doesn't really count because they got married when they were nineteen... and he's in jail.
And there's the boyfriend who was actually right outside. But he didn't come in and help with the laundry because that's her job. He's 15 years older, and doesn't let her leave the house without him. Because he was a cheater, so naturally, he assumes she will cheat on him. At the Laundromat.
But she has her revenge, because when he pisses her off she cuts his pockets and bleaches his pants. Apparently he has no pants with pockets or without bleach.

My adventure ends there when her boyfriend escorts her away. I finish folding my brother's laundry and, like a boss, somehow fit nine loads into the three baskets he provided. 

I am the Folding Queen.

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