Saturday, November 8, 2014

How are yooooou?

About a year ago, I remember telling my friend how sorry I was for constantly bombarding him with crazy tales of my life. I promise, I said, one of these days I will have a normal life.
His response: No such thing, love.

I appreciate that response now more than I did then, because it is the truth. And I don't really want normal. Eight months ago I dated a normal guy with a normal job and we went on normal dates. We talked about normal things and ate normal food. And it was totally boring. 

But on the flip side, I also don't want a train wreck.

So naturally there is a story to go along with this statement. Quite recently a rather attractive man asked for my phone number. He had a really corny pick up line about how we’d have enough sparks to start a bonfire and I laughed, so I figured, sure why not he can have my number. He says, I’ll text you tomorrow. 
I tell you h'wut... It takes him four days to text me.
And yes I was a terrible person and joked with my friend that maybe he got in an accident and that’s why he didn’t text me in a timely manner. And when he did eventually text, joked that I feared he had lost the use of his thumbs. I’m that kind of person.
But text he did and turned on what I am going to call obsequious charm/ flirtation. Or as they say in the Sim world, schmoozing. 
And I’ll admit. I have trust issues. Much to my friends’ enjoyment. When stranger who knows nothing about me start flirting up a storm, I will have literally none of it.
I mean, really, it is bullshit
However, it is also amusing. It is. 
In my head I know that the thing that is happening is called flirting and I should partake, but instead defenses go way up and I get super suspicious. Especially when men use words like dangerous, mysterious, beautiful and captivating.

And don't get me wrong, and those are fantastic words, but not ones I want to hear from a relative stranger. And yes, I am delightfully quirky, reasonably attractive, reserved,  and thoroughly believe adventure is out there. But mysterious and dangerous I am not.
And the conversation, or lack thereof, trudges along. Mostly with me trying to start any kind of conservation and him derailing it but saying things like, when can I have you in my arms, I would adore some pictures, and the "I need you making me warm" when I merely asked how the chilly day was treating him.

At this point, you're probably thinking, this guy is creepy. But I also must add that I have already agreed to get coffee with him Friday evening, and I am a woman of my word and so I'm determined to savage this until about Friday. Also in retrospect, I wish I had had the presence of mind to send this when he asked for pictures instead of informing him that I am a grown ass woman and will not be told what to do:
My one regret.

So Friday rolls arounds. He has already informed me we aren't getting dinner so, when I get home from work, I eat and attempt to make my hair do something moderately pretty and shoot him a text around 7 asking when and where this date is happening since I hadn't heard from him since the morning, which I find a little strange since this whole thing was his idea. Two hours pass before he decides to perhaps begin the planning process, and by planning process, I mean he asks me where I live. Unfortunately for him, at this point, I'm completely over the whole thing and inform him I will no longer be going out. Because ain't nobody got time for someone who doesn't respect your time. He tries to reschedule, suggesting days that I have already informed him do not work. I informed him, again, that no I am not free, and added that quite frankly do not start planning my evenings around 9 pm. I have not heard from him since and it is unlikely I ever will again. 
 Which is totally fine in my book, because what do we do with 34 year olds with no manners and clearly don't have their shit together?

This whole experience has been essentially a self respect exercise. My therapist would be so proud. Branching out but also not taking shit.
And I think I can confidently say I've dodged a bullet. Much like this young man.

Enjoy the rest of your day, my fantastic readers!

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